.bodytext {float: left; } .floatimg-left-hort { float:left; margin-top:10px; margin-right: 10px; width:300px; clear:left;} .floatimg-left-caption-hort { float:left; margin-bottom:10px; width:300px; margin-right:10px; clear:left;} .floatimg-left-vert { float:left; margin-top:10px; margin-right:15px; width:200px;} .floatimg-left-caption-vert { float:left; margin-right:10px; margin-bottom:10px; font-size: 10px; width:200px;} .floatimg-right-hort { float:right; margin-top:10px; margin-left:10px; margin-bottom:10px; width: 300px;} .floatimg-right-caption-hort { float:left; margin-right:10px; margin-bottom:10px; width: 300px; font-size: 10px; } .floatimg-right-vert { float:right; margin-top:10px; margin-left:10px; margin-bottom:10px; width: 200px;} .floatimg-right-caption-vert { float:left; margin-right:10px; margin-bottom:10px; width: 200px; font-size: 10px; } .floatimgright-sidebar { float:right; margin-top:10px; margin-left:10px; margin-bottom:10px; width: 200px; border-top-style: double; border-top-color: black; border-bottom-style: double; border-bottom-color: black;} .floatimgright-sidebar p { line-height: 115%; text-indent: 10px; } .floatimgright-sidebar h4 { font-variant:small-caps; } .pullquote { float:right; margin-top:10px; margin-left:10px; margin-bottom:10px; width: 150px; background: url(http://www.dmbusinessdaily.com/DAILY/editorial/extras/closequote.gif) no-repeat bottom right !important ; line-height: 150%; font-size: 125%; border-top: 1px solid; border-bottom: 1px solid;} .floatvidleft { float:left; margin-bottom:10px; width:325px; margin-right:10px; clear:left;} .floatvidright { float:right; margin-bottom:10px; width:325px; margin-right:10px; clear:left;} Dear Mr. Berko:

Dear D.E.:

You have asked the wrong person, because my bias ain’t in your corner.

In my opinion, fancy weddings are for suckers and social-climbing families who become giddy when their names appear in a newspaper’s society section. Fancy weddings are for status-seeking brides and grooms who put on the dog to out-fancy members of their social milieu. The excessive costs for flowers, band, caterers, liquor, wedding favors, hors d’oeuvres, food, table decorations, gifts to bridesmaids and ushers, invitations, photography/videography, wedding cakes, venue rental, transportation, wedding gown, tuxedos, a church, a choir and all that other mishmash, minutia and memorabilia are patently ridiculous and laughable — a bloody waste of money.

You may soon discover that the wedding industry is a pandering, crass, greedy commercial business with a spiraling culture of expenditures in which participating providers quickly increase the cost of their services and products by 35 percent to 50 percent.

Last year, more than 2.4 million weddings occurred in the United States. Those couples and their families spent $88 billion, not counting the honeymoons, to celebrate with friends, preserve memories and satisfy social obligations. None of that is worth draining a bank account and going into debt for five years. Hells bells! You and your fiance may decide to go “splitsville” before your parents pay off their debt to finance your big party.

But the wedding planners know the right emotional and image buttons to push to mesmerize the gushing bride and her socially conscious family. So those weddings are really about image and social competition, not commitment.

Now the answer to your question is easy, providing you possess a few ounces of common sense. Take the $45,000 check and put it in a no-load growth mutual fund. In five years those funds could be worth $70,000, and in 10 years the sum could grow to $107,000. If your union lasts a lifetime, that $45,000, if it earns 9 percent in a growth mutual fund for 40 years, would grow to $1.5 million. Frankly, you’re both blithering idiots if you don’t take the money and invest it.

That money will give you a huge head start on a comfortable retirement, and both of you are really going to need it. Together you earn about $72,000 a year, with little expectation for a more generous income. In 40 years of teaching, you’ll never be able to accumulate enough savings for a comfortable retirement, especially after buying a house and raising children.

Teachers are notoriously underpaid (though many deserve what they earn), and it’s a lousy profession in which to earn a living. You may not realize it today, but that $45,000 (if you invest it in the no-load funds that I’m recommending) will be the most valuable wedding gift you two will ever get. Take the money, invest it and don’t look back.

Because I’m presumptuous enough to assume that you will take my advice, I’m recommending the following funds for that $45,000. I want you to forget you own them, and I want you to keep them for the rest of your lives.

Invest $15,000 in T. Rowe Price Capital Appreciation Fund, which has had a 12.6 percent average annual return during the past 20 years. Invest $15,000 in Fidelity Convertible Securities, which has a 13.3 percent average annual 20-year return, and $15,000 in Bruce Fund with a 13.2 percent 20-year average annual return. The five- and 10-year average annual returns for these funds are also in double digits, and each fund is no-load. Reinvest all the dividends and capital gains, and in 40 years you guys will be wealthy campers.

Please address your financial questions to Malcolm Berko, P.O. Box 1416, Boca Raton, Fla. 33429 or e-mail him at malber@adelphia.net.© Copley News Service