The 2023 Girls’ Index Report from Ruling Our Experiences, which studies girls’ unique experiences in the U.S., revealed only 55% of girls feel confident. This dropped from 68% in the 2017 report. 

Confidence and self-doubt is an ongoing struggle for women of all ages, and signs point to this only becoming more difficult. There are many factors, both in and out of our control, that shape how we see ourselves. 

“When self-doubt comes into play, that voice is usually the loudest when I’m operating in fear,” said Fearless podcast co-host LaDrina Wilson. “It’s not real. There’s some other doubt that has surfaced.”

In our recent episode, we explored what influences our confidence and how self-doubt affects how we move in the world. We were joined by guests Melissa Vine, president of the Capital Vine, and Kasey Froeschle, a senior training consultant at Sedgwick and a hobbyist distance runner. 

Here are five takeaways from the conversation. 

1. Courage is different than confidence

Confidence is often portrayed as having no fear. But the most confident people have felt plenty of fear – they’ve just relied on their courage to work through that fear and transform it into confidence. 

“Courage doesn’t require a skill, it requires that you just move forward when you’re not sure if the outcome is going to be OK,” Vine said. 

2. Identify the buckets of self-doubt 

Pinpointing where your self-doubt stems from helps you to find solutions to move through it. 

“Am I doubting myself because I failed at this before? Is there something wired in me causing this doubt? Or is this a systems’ issue because of my gender, race or socioeconomic status?” Vine said. 

When you ask yourself these questions, you can better understand the barriers you need to break through. 

3. Find your sweet spot

We often find ourselves playing the comparison game when we see others succeeding. We might ask ourselves: Why am I not doing the same thing? 

But what if you’re not meant to do the same thing? Vine explained how completing law school while raising four kids with a full-time job worked for her, but might not work for others. 

“It’s kind of my sweet spot to juggle a lot of things and still feel like I can relax on Sundays. That’s not true for everyone but everyone has their own sweet spot,” she said. “I look online at people who are running marathons. That will never be my sweet spot.” 

4. Look for internal validation, rather than external 

Froeschle has completed several marathons and 50-kilometer races throughout her running career. Throughout the many miles she’s completed, her internal dialogue often tells her she’s ready to quit. 

In those moments, she thinks back to the pride she felt when she completed her first half-marathon. 

“I remind myself I set out for this goal because it’s realistic,” she said. “I may not always feel like it’s attainable in that moment, but I just try to keep pushing and holding on and reminding myself that future me will be so proud.” 

5. Surround yourself with supportive women

Whether you’re running your first long distance race, competing for a promotion at work or learning a new creative hobby, a group of supportive and uplifting women can make all the difference in having the confidence to go after your goals. 

Froeschle has trained weekly with a group of women for years, one of which acted as her pacer so she could complete her first 100K race this year. 

“I could not do any of this if I didn’t have them,” she said. “It’s one thing to have a supportive partner at home, but it’s another thing to hear that or see yourself through your female peers.” 

Listen to to this episode and more