The thing I hate about negotiations is that when there’s a tough one, no one ends up winning. (Unless there’s a lawyer involved; then the lawyer wins.)

People are always asking me to conduct a class or write a book about negotiation. My statement to them is: Why? Negotiation is 100 percent about price. I will put a caveat on that statement: sometimes it’s price and terms. But another word for negotiation is “money.”

You also hear the word “compromise” mentioned as being part of negotiation. I define compromise as both parties not getting what they want. The challenge in a negotiation is knowing where you want to end up, what you’re willing to take and what you’re willing to give up.

But the bottom line is, sometimes you have to be willing to walk away and abort the negotiation.

Then there’s the element of time. Sometimes people will compromise out of exasperation — been doing it for too long, it’s time to make a deal.

The reason I’m writing about negotiation and compromise is that I am currently in a big-time lawyer’s office conference room trying to complete one. I am somewhere between “get it over with,” and “walk away.” Get it over with means lick your wounds and pay your dues. Walk away means lawsuit.

My fatal flaw in negotiation is that when I’m in one, I tend to want to stick to my ideals and what I believe to be fair. The problem that I have encountered over the past 40 years is: Life ain’t fair.

The one thing you need in a negotiation is someone else to help drag emotion back to logic. The object of any kind of negotiation is to make some settlement or to reach some agreement.

But the problem lies in what led up to the negotiation — and how volatile or emotional that is. The more emotional, the less you’re willing to compromise. And the less you’re willing to compromise, the more voices of reason you need in order to help you get over it.

The one I am in at the moment isn’t friendly. As the negotiation continues, compromises become fewer and emotions get higher.

Let me bring this back to your reality. You might be negotiating with a buyer, a vendor, a banker, a former employee, even an ex-spouse. The simple key is to know your high, know your low, know your terms and conditions, and be willing to stand your ground. Standing your ground is not easy, because it often involves other people trying to tell you to get off your ground.

There are a hundred negotiation tactics or gambits, most of which don’t work, and all of which are somewhat manipulative.

As you can probably tell by now, negotiation is not my favorite subject. But if you’re not good at it, and you’re not willing to study the science of it, you will fall victim to someone who is.

I asked my lawyer what his rules of negotiation are, and in a Solomon-like tone he said, “There are no rules in negotiation. The main thing you need is patience.”

Now he tells me! I haven’t had patience for 18 years.

But the wisdom here is that every negotiation carries a separate set of criteria. If you try to apply tactics or some gambit from one negotiation to another, it’s likely you will lose. In this particular negotiation, however it turns out, I will still feel like I lost. The key is not the negotiation — the key is how I will get over it.

My attitude will allow me to walk out of my lawyer’s conference room and forget about it. Oh, I will deal with the details. But under a minute later, I’m over it. I have other things to do in my business and my life, and I want to make sure that they are done in a positive manner.

One of the reasons lawyers get paid a lot of money is that they have to deal with this kind of crap every day. I on the other hand, have a life.

If you want more about negotiation that my dad taught me, go to www.gitomer.com, register if you are a first-time user, and enter the word NEGOTIATE in the GitBit box.

Jeffrey Gitomer can be reached by phone at (704) 333-1112 or by e-mail at salesman@gitomer.com.