.bodytext {float: left; } .floatimg-left-hort { float:left; margin-top:10px; margin-right: 10px; width:300px; clear:left;} .floatimg-left-caption-hort { float:left; margin-bottom:10px; width:300px; margin-right:10px; clear:left;} .floatimg-left-vert { float:left; margin-top:10px; margin-right:15px; width:200px;} .floatimg-left-caption-vert { float:left; margin-right:10px; margin-bottom:10px; font-size: 10px; width:200px;} .floatimg-right-hort { float:right; margin-top:10px; margin-left:10px; margin-bottom:10px; width: 300px;} .floatimg-right-caption-hort { float:left; margin-right:10px; margin-bottom:10px; width: 300px; font-size: 10px; } .floatimg-right-vert { float:right; margin-top:10px; margin-left:10px; margin-bottom:10px; width: 200px;} .floatimg-right-caption-vert { float:left; margin-right:10px; margin-bottom:10px; width: 200px; font-size: 10px; } .floatimgright-sidebar { float:right; margin-top:10px; margin-left:10px; margin-bottom:10px; width: 200px; border-top-style: double; border-top-color: black; border-bottom-style: double; border-bottom-color: black;} .floatimgright-sidebar p { line-height: 115%; text-indent: 10px; } .floatimgright-sidebar h4 { font-variant:small-caps; } .pullquote { float:right; margin-top:10px; margin-left:10px; margin-bottom:10px; width: 150px; background: url(http://www.dmbusinessdaily.com/DAILY/editorial/extras/closequote.gif) no-repeat bottom right !important ; line-height: 150%; font-size: 125%; border-top: 1px solid; border-bottom: 1px solid;} .floatvidleft { float:left; margin-bottom:10px; width:325px; margin-right:10px; clear:left;} .floatvidright { float:right; margin-bottom:10px; width:325px; margin-right:10px; clear:left;} It’s almost time to start thinking about the Iowa caucuses. Have you heard about them? This is where a small fraction of Iowans decide the future of the United States of America after watching a series of TV commercials paid for by multimillionaires.

And they said democracy wouldn’t last.

During the recent round of presidential campaigning – what’s it been, five or six years now? – we didn’t shed as many candidates as we would have liked. The more broken hopefuls left sobbing along the road, the simpler the choice. But at least we know the ones remaining have lots of stamina.

Now we probably should figure out what else we really want in a president.

After getting a taste of the job, Ronald Reagan said he didn’t know how anyone could be president without being an actor first. Good point. Instead of letting our president work thoughtfully at a desk – looking up facts in thick books, calling smart people, solving the Jumble – we expect them to give speeches, host dinners, travel constantly, maybe even hold an occasional press conference. How does a person make rational decisions while living that way?

Wait – that might explain a lot.

Here in Iowa, the candidates certainly have put their acting skills on display, each one trying to convince us that he – or she – is not only stunningly well-informed but also as profoundly wise as Lao Tzu or Oprah. Each contender leaves the impression that he – or she – spends evenings studying policy and Sundays chatting with God.

But we’re not learning about the quality that matters most: adaptability. The candidates are all trying to give the impression that they can walk on water, but what we’re going to need is someone who can ride the wave.

It was so cute when Des Moines Register Editor Carolyn Washburn asked them what they would accomplish during their first year in office. As if they knew. Once you get past “memorize a different foreign leader’s name every week” and “make sure Air Force One has Madden 2008,” almost everything else is out of your control.

You never know when a war will break out or Kim Jong-Il will claim a golf score that’s simply unacceptable and you’ll have to act immediately. One by one, we should plop the candidates down in unfamiliar and challenging territory – you could put Mike Huckabee in a room full of atheists who hate the bass guitar, for example – and see how they handle the stress.

Knowing the future would be even better than the ability to react, so if we could find a clairvoyant candidate, that would be great. Or at least someone who’s an excellent guesser. It’s not too late to check the latest Rock, Paper, Scissors national rankings for fresh talent.

It also would be useful to know how our choice would stack up against other leaders when it’s time to negotiate something, like a complex trade deal or who gets the last pat of butter at a state dinner.

Why is this so important? Did you see the photo of Russian President Vladimir Putin on the cover of Time? I looked into his eyes and saw myself writing society news for the Gulag News-Herald. We should pop that picture in front of each candidate up close without warning, and anyone who flinches has to go home. The more I think about it, our next president really should be someone who has won several staring contests.

Putin also allowed photographers to catch him looking fit with no shirt, so we may have entered an era in which upper-body strength is back on the table. Come on – one barely noticeable change to the U.S. Constitution, and a certain Californian named Arnold is ready to go.

A president who’s fluent in several languages would inspire more confidence, too. It would be humiliating to have a president who speaks only English sitting around with the other G8 leaders at the post-summit party, and they’re all chatting and giggling and pointing at our boss, who has to sit there pretending to watch roller derby on the TV above the bar.

Of course, if you want a president who can uncover every important detail about our rivals, one who travels to the world’s most dangerous places at no risk and occasionally solves a crime after work, one quality rises to the top.

But I suppose the power to become invisible is asking too much.