If you’re like nearly everyone else, you’ll head to a mall Friday to begin your holiday shopping. But why be ordinary? Fruitcake? Please. Even mentioning it is a cliché. Why risk appearing unimaginative, desperate and, well, so last century? The summer sausage trifecta? Tired and overdone as well. Give this fat-filled foodstuff only if you want to speed up a heart attack and get your inheritance early. Cheese? Maybe, but it should definitely have truffles in it. Wine? Fine, but only if you know more about wine than the person you’re giving it to.

Here, we’ve assembled a list of offbeat gift suggestions for the person who already has everything:

COWBOY UP: If you consider Willie Nelson’s “My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys” your personal anthem but wouldn’t know a lil’ doggie from a Jack Russell terrier, you can learn the difference and oodles more at any of several cowboy schools or camps. One of the best-known camps for tenderfoots, Arizona Cowboy College, has been offering classes during spring and fall roundup since 1989 at a family-owned ranch near Scottsdale. Courses are designed to teach students, even those who have never straddled a horse before, real horsemanship skills that can last a lifetime. Information can be found at www.cowboycollege.com.

Before you sign on for a full-fledged roundup, Dr. Sean Cunningham, a Des Moines physician, suggests three days in the saddle at a Cowboy Boot Camp clinic near Fort Worth. “You should go to this first,” said Cunningham. “I don’t think a roundup is the place to learn to ride.”

The clinic is run by real cowboy Craig Cameron, a regular host on RFD-TV, who provides instruction for riders of all skill levels, ranging from Cunningham, who says he’s “ridden a fair amount, but didn’t feel comfortable and wanted to get better,” to people who’ve never sat on a horse before. He was part of a group of 10, slept in the bunkhouse and was on horseback from sunup to past sundown for two of the three days of the clinic. “It was three hard days,” Cunningham confessed, “and I learned a lot.” Among the lessons was that whatever the cook says goes. More information can be found at http://www.craigcameron.com/clinics.html

BATTER UP: White Sox or Red Sox? Yankees or Mets? Indians or Pirates? Most major league baseball teams have fantasy camps, but for the ultimate fan experience, try the Second Annual Hall of Fame Fantasy Camp Oct. 6-11, 2006, in Cooperstown, N.Y. Camp managers for 2006 are Hall of Famers George Brett, Eddie Murray, Phil Niekro and Ozzie Smith. There are only 48 spots available, so act quickly. For more information, visit www.baseballhalloffame.org.

HOMER: Don’t forget the home team, the Iowa Cubs. Gov. Tom Vilsack got to announce an I-Cubs game on the radio earlier this year, but that was a special deal worked out between first lady Christie Vilsack and the team’s majority owner, Michael Gartner. “While that might not be possible for everyone, there are a lot of things we can do, from VIP treatment to skybox rentals to first pitches to Cubbie Bear special appearances,” said Scott Sailor, the team’s director of logistics. “Iowa Cubs baseball makes a perfect gift, and we can customize it to fit just about anybody’s needs.”

YOUR STAMP: The U.S. Postal Service offers this nifty idea: personalized postage. One-of-a-kind postage stamps can be designed with your photos, stock photos or original drawings. For information, go to www.usps.com/holiday/personalizepostage.htm.

GET ORGANIZED: Diana Deibler couldn’t have been more thrilled when her friend Erin Smidt gave her a combination birthday/Christmas gift of six hours with a professional organizer. “It made an incredible difference,” she said. “It went beyond reducing clutter. Things were in places I had become accustomed to, but did not make sense.”

The professional clutter buster helped Deibler logically organize things she uses each day. “I’m a line-of-sight person,” she said. “She didn’t try to change the way I did business, but helped me take that which was natural and organize it.”

FLYING HIGH: Let your mind soar here. Choose from a hot-air balloon ride, which will take you “as close to heaven as you can get,” one of our associates said; sky diving lessons; pilot lessons; or even a helicopter ride to see the holiday lights from a different vantage point.

IT’S ABOUT TIME: Massive spending may stimulate the economy, but consumer debt is at an all-time high, topping $2 trillion, according to the Federal Reserve Board. Some gifts can cost little more than time. Use the graphics program on your home computer to create certificates redeemable for a week of house-sitting, baby-sitting or pet-sitting. Green thumb? Offer to plant and maintain for a year (or more, depending on how energetic you’re feeling) a perennial garden. Fancy yourself a culinary wizard? Offer to prepare, serve and, of course, clean up after a lavish multi-course dinner for six in the recipient’s home.

WORDS: Katy Mackay, West Bank’s vice president of marketing, once gave her father, Howard Stahl, a gift he didn’t expect: his own words

The 79-year-old Stahl had been after his daughter for some time to visit his childhood home in Eastern Iowa so he could share some of the stories that helped shape his life. Stahl’s own father had died when he was very young and he lived most of his life without knowing him. He wanted his daughter to have a greater sense of personal history, hence the trip to his childhood stomping grounds.

Mackay knew the conversation might be stilted if her father knew she planned to record it, so she hid a tape recorder in her purse as he told the story of his life – where he was born, about his family and what he could remember of his dad, where he danced, where they bought groceries, the times he got into trouble and an uncle who had a wagon and a team of horses that could find their way home without his assistance if he got too exuberant on a Saturday night – “charming stories,” Mackay said, “that I never would’ve known,”

After the visit, she transcribed the tape word for word, had old family photos restored, put them together in a spiral-bound book called “As I Recall” and presented it to her father for his birthday. “It wasn’t me telling the story; it was him telling the story,” Mackay said. Since then, the book has been reproduced and copies have been given to other family members. “It’s a sweet, sweet family legacy,” she said, “a family treasure we now have.”

READING SPACE: Public Library of Des Moines Executive Director Kay Runge tells us that for $20, you can purchase a ceremonial square foot of the Central Library and have it dedicated to a family member, friend or even yourself. The gift comes with a personalized certificate of ownership, and the names of contributors will be permanently displayed in the new Central Library or branch location of your choice. More information can be found at www.pldminfo.org/Foundation/capital.htm.

GIVE TO OTHERS: Philanthropy is always a good bet. The Community Foundation of Greater Des Moines, whose Web site is www.desmoinesfoundation.org, is brimming with good ideas. Haunt charity auctions, where you can buy hard-to-find, one-of-a-kind items and support a worthwhile cause at the same time.