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When the Business Record ran a story mentioning the relative age of The Polk County Convention Complex (“The Plex”), I piped up online with one of my typical snarky comments, asking how the folks in New York City continue to book events for the ancient Madison Square Garden.

No one knows more about old buildings than my paternal grandfather’s people: the Italians. Now there’s a country with a unique perspective on old buildings. Instead of tearing them down and erecting parking ramps, Italians prop up the ones leaning out of whack, etc., and turn them into multimillion-dollar tourist attractions. (Imagine – The Sagging Armory of Des Moines!)

The Colosseum in Rome hasn’t held regularly scheduled live events since the sixth century, and yet it receives more visitors annually than our entire state. (There’s a marketing whiz Polk County should lure to Des Moines.)

Before I forget, why does “The Plex” have a nickname? I thought nicknames were meant as terms of endearment, reserved for loved ones. John Wayne has a nickname; Lee Harvey Oswald doesn’t. If no one likes The Plex, how did it get a nickname?

Before anything is decided on the future of The Plex, we need to conclude its past. We need to gather up everyone who conceived, designed, planned, induced funding for and built The Plex and have a public hanging. That should inspire more plausible designs for Polk County’s next building project.

If you want something done right, don’t ask people who built a transit mall right smack-dab underneath a skywalk and actually expected foot traffic in December. Or July. And don’t ask people who built a bright, shiny new arena across the street from an auditorium, with designs on appealing to Gen-X’ers for their attendance, only to bail out said bright, shiny new arena with AARP-eligible entertainers.

If it could, do you think Veterans Memorial Auditorium – a building sans nickname – giggles whenever that bright, shiny building across the street hosts yet another event miles from being a sellout?

Because the Polk County mantra to its native consumer base is “Buy Local,” out-of-town consultants, architects and management firms should be told politely to go bilk money out of Columbus, Ohio, and leave Des Moines alone for a decade or two.

Finally, if you want something done right, delve into the unclouded minds of youth. Familiar with the city of Des Moines flag? It’s beautiful! It’s the result of an elementary school design contest.

Maybe “our future” should design a building or two. After all, they’re going to have to live with them for the rest of their lives.

Or until some future leaders deem them obsolete and tear them down.

Tom Sacco is a freelance advertising and marketing writer in Des Moines.