BY RACHEL BRUNS | Deputy Director, America’s Service Commissions

Recently, a former female colleague posted on Facebook that she was “immediately going to Twitter to follow …”. Because she was someone I respect, my interest was piqued and I clicked on the linked HuffPost article by Caroline Bologna, “If Dads Heard the Inane Crap That’s Spouted at Working Moms”. 

The article highlights a Twitter account, @manwhohasitall, which provides “Top tips for men juggling a successful career and fatherhood.” The parody Twitter account pokes fun at the often-unrealistic advice and questions we see in magazines and daily dialogue on the topic of working moms. All it does is replace the word mom with dad. I realized it was a joke, but after reading a few tweets it stopped being funny.

Most of this kind of advice stems from a media machine and not from ordinary people, but I often feel pressure to live up to it anyway. Too often, we take on unattainable standards of being the fantastic mom, dutiful wife and successful career woman.

I am not a mom, yet on some days I feel guilty for not being one. On other days, I feel I’ve failed, because I’m not more accomplished in my career considering I don’t have the “burden” of children holding me back. All of these thoughts are unwarranted, but stem from a larger dialogue that I hear from media and even people close to me. Harm may not be intended, but it takes a toll. 

For example, a survey of graduates of Harvard Business School suggests that the crisis women face is not in how others expect them to behave at work, but how they themselves expect to balance work and family over the course of their lifetimes (New York Post, 2014).

Most men want to be a great dad, a loving husband and a success, so why don’t we see similar suggestions for men on how to live their lives? Yes, there are books and advice columns for men on a range of topics including fatherhood, but none suggest they can’t have both career and kids.

The next time I pick up a magazine or see an article headline spouting advice, I’m going to think twice. Would this same question or advice be proposed to men? 

Rachel Bruns is deputy director of America’s Service Commissions, a national nonprofit championing the national service and volunteer sector. Bruns is president of the Central Iowa Alumnae chapter of Alpha Phi International Fraternity, serves on the board of directors of YNPN Des Moines and is a member of Junior League of Des Moines.

Connect with her by phone 515-720-5892 or through LinkedIn.