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Ever get angry? There are three types of anger:

1. Anger at yourself – the easiest of all angers to overcome.

2. Anger at others – based on their words or deeds.

3. Anger at the world – seek professional help.

There are two reasons I’m writing about anger. One, I heard some idiot give a wrong explanation of it the other day, and two, because it completely destroys your attitude and your energy, and blocks your creative thought.

Unfortunately, anger is often involuntary. Something happens, or someone says something, and you get angry. Then you react or respond in kind, and things get worse. And sometimes anger is pent up from five other things you suppressed, and the least little incident makes you snap or blow up.

Salespeople get angry when: their call goes unreturned, they lose a sale to price, a “sure sale” evaporates, a prospect does not show for a meeting, service or accounting screws up, or their commission check is wrong.

UNDERSTAND: Anger is a RESPONSE to something that happened or someone who has said something or done something that upset your emotional equilibrium.

GREAT RESPONSE: The guy who had his guitar broken by United Airlines got creative instead of angry. Wrote a song about it, got 5 million views on YouTube, got a new guitar, got an apology from United, and got a training contract to help the moron who abused him.

What are you angry about?

Job? Boss? Economy? Bad decision? The current value of your home? The government? Your wages? Someone you hate? Your spouse? Your health? A parking ticket? A speeding ticket? A bad golf shot? Your team lost? You lost a bet? Someone broke something? Lost something? A bad-luck break? Kids do something wrong? You’re broke? Life?

Whatever it is or was, you got angry. What do you normally do when you’re angry? Yell, scream, swear, punch, stomp, slam doors, get silent, scheme to get back, cry, clench your fist? Or something more calm and civilized?

Whatever it is, there are ways to deal with it that can reduce the anger to a point of neutral, and then to a point of positive.

THINK: Were you angry just before the situation started? No, you reacted angrily. Act vs. react is one of the key components in understanding where anger comes from and how to get over it faster.

First, neutralize. Also known as “calm down,” “count to 10,” or “take a deep breath.”

Vent your thoughts, frustrations and anger by yourself. Walk away. Get yourself back to mentally neutral. Ask yourself questions. What really happened? What is my best response right now?

Then ask yourself: What can I do RIGHT NOW to change my frame of mind?

Can I call someone? Buy myself something? Jog? Read? Take a walk in the woods? Watch a movie?

RECOVERY MUST BE COMPLETE. Make up. Apologize. Make amends. Make peace. Kiss. Hug. Be personal, sincere, and mean it for yourself, not just for the other person. The key is: Forgive.

Shake hands. Look the other person in the eye. Try substituting the words “I apologize” for the words “I’m sorry.”

My personal experience with anger has been one of the most difficult for me. Reacting angrily to poor service and airline crap is my Achilles’ heel. I believe part of it stems from a big-city (New York and Philadelphia upbringing) environment, where anger is part of the societal fabric, and from my dad, who liked to brag, “I give ulcers, not get them.”

The past few years have brought a huge self-awareness. I’m not there yet, but there’s hope.

Jeffrey Gitomer can be reached by phone at (704) 333-1112 or by e-mail at salesman@gitomer.com. © 2009 Jeffrey H. Gitomer