‘Gold’ dollars make no sense
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Dear Mr. Berko
I’ve enclosed an advertisement from USA Today describing an offer of presidential gold dollars “never circulated” in ballistic wrap for $124. If you believe they will increase in value (like the 1,200 percent increase in Eisenhower dollars), I’d buy 100 of these rolls with a net 425 grams of pure weight. I’ve tried calling you on the phone (no luck), and I didn’t know how long it would take you to respond to my e-mail so I Federal Expressed this letter because I only have 72 hours to call their national order hot line and buy these presidential gold dollars. The World Reserve Monetary Exchange is apparently handling the sale of these coins for the U.S. Mint, and the U.S. Mint will never make these coins again, so they will probably become worth a lot more over the coming few years. I’ve sent you a copy of the World Monetary Reserve Exchange’s full-page advertisement so you can see firsthand what I am writing to you about. I also saved this page for office files and may frame it for good luck. The World Reserve Monetary Exchange will even give me a 90-day guarantee of my price back, which makes their offer even more attractive. My wife, who is always suspicious, has asked me to contact you before I invest in this venture.
P.D., Cleveland
Dear P.D.:
Your stationery indicates that you’re an attorney in private practice. Therefore, I’ve changed your initials, because if your colleagues thought that you wrote this letter they’d probably stone you for stupidity and for embarrassing the legal profession. P.T. Barnum had to be talking about you.
Frankly, you have a better chance of making money suing USA Today for publishing that shifty, disingenuous ad then you would by purchasing those silly coins. Then take the cockamamie, ridiculous World Reserve Monetary Exchange to the jailhouse door for picking the pockets of helpless numbskulls (like you), and you’d probably make a few more bucks in the process. Unbelievably credulous professionals like you are a danger to their clients, to their colleagues, their families and themselves. An attorney in Dayton, Ohio, whom I’ve known for nearly 50 years, firmly believes your naivete is grounds for dismissal from the Ohio Bar.
The World Reserve Monetary Exchange (WRME) is an egregiously overpriced marketing organization for coins that can be bought at one-third the WRME price from the U.S. Mint. Let’s do some straight talking. You want to buy 20 U.S. government presidential dollar coins packaged in Saran Wrap for $124 plus shipping costs of $15 and $6 insurance, just in case the coins get lost in the mail. But you’d better order quickly if you really believe all those presidential gold dollars will be gone in 72 hours.
It’s hard to believe that USA Today readers are so brainless. WRME has been running this ad for six consecutive weeks. But if readers are willing to pay $145 for those dollar coins, which the mint will sell you at face value, then USA Today has a gaggle of fools for subscribers.
The 20-coin roll contains a “whopping 425 grams” of base metals — not gold, gold-filled or gold clad, but the same alloys used in the Sacagawea “gold” dollar, which is still worth a buck today and not a centime more. And the 1,200 percent increase in the value of the Eisenhower dollar to which the WRME compares this coin is a serious distortion of facts.
That Eisenhower dollar was a 40 percent silver “proof” coin with a sharp, brilliant mirror finish, a specimen striking enough for exhibition. It’s a modestly collectible (not rare) coin and can be bought for about $12. But what WRME wants you to buy will never, never, never be worth more than a dollar. So don’t worry about missing the 72-hour order deadline. No matter when you call WRME’s exclusive national order hot line, those rolls of presidential gold dollars will always be there for you at a sucker’s price of $124 plus $21 for shipping and insurance.
When you call WRME’s national order hot line, I suggest you listen closely to the background chatter. The sotto voices you hear will be noise like: “We hooked another fish….” Then they add your name and personal information to a database of “sucker names,” which they lease to other selling organizations for good money and a small percentage of whatever else you may buy.
P.D., unless you graduated from the Three Mile Island Junior College of Law, there’s no excuse for such gross stupidity. Although you saved the full-page USA Today color advertisement, you ought to see how my two dogs, Catfish and Cornbread, used that page.
It’s shameful that USA Today would stoop low enough to carry a deceptive advertisement like this one. Respectable papers have a duty to their readers and should refuse to accept such spurious and deceitful advertising. That kind of mongering and hucksterism belongs in the National Enquirer, the Star or the Examiner.
Please address your financial questions to Malcolm Berko, P.O. Box 1416, Boca Raton, Fla. 33429 or e-mail him at malber@comcast.net. © Copley News Service
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