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If we want to get government out of our lives and nip creeping socialism in the bud, a huge budget crisis would seem to be a golden opportunity.

Forget this 10-percent-across-the-board stuff. Let’s get serious and totally whack every program we can, so we citizens can keep the money that belongs to us.

If we seize the day, Iowa can serve as an example to the rest of this increasingly pink nation. We can inspire the federal government to back off and leave us alone, and we can finally keep our hard-earned money for ourselves.

Although … I must say, I would prefer to let the state, county and city governments plow the roads this winter. I’ve never priced a dump truck, or a blade to stick on the front end, or the sand- and salt-spreading attachments, or the sand and salt, for that matter, but it sounds kind of expensive.

And, frankly, I don’t want to get up at 4 a.m. just to clear my way to work. So I suggest letting that little sliver of socialism remain.

Also, the police are good to have. I’m not really brave enough to hunt down bad guys, and probably wouldn’t be very good at it. Where do you look for them, anyway? Don’t they try to hide?

And fire protection. If dump trucks are expensive, I should imagine a good pumper truck would run into several thousand dollars. And I would hate to wash and wax the thing for the rest of my life and maybe never need it. So I don’t mind kicking in a few bucks for that sort of rampant socialism.

I suppose it’s reasonable to rely on the federal government to handle the bulk of our national defense. I’m proud to be part of a well-regulated militia, but with my single-shot .22, I doubt that I could fend off a determined attack by al-Qaeda or Iran. Or Liechtenstein, for that matter.

But other than those essentials, the sneaky socialists can just crawl off into their musty caves and leave us alone. Let us individual citizens use our money wisely and watch this nation soar.

Except we probably should all pay for libraries. I don’t like to share my books, because I hate it when the dust covers get torn.

And sewage systems, definitely. Whatever you need to maintain a municipal sewage system, I don’t have it and don’t want to acquire it.

But the general principle remains: It’s time to knock off the taxation and let me take care of myself.

Come to think of it, it’s probably wise to keep a faceless, soulless bureaucracy like the Food and Drug Administration, just to be on the safe side. Not that our fellow Americans would ever try to sell us substances that might be detrimental to our health, but those foreigners – boy, are they sneaky.

And let’s not dismantle the Social Security Administration just yet. If there’s any chance at all to get back some of the money I’ve shoveled in, I want it. I remember several of those dollars quite fondly.

Another good use of our money might be the national parks. Ken Burns, documentary filmmaker and keeper of the original Beatles haircut, might have a point there. If we rely on tourists to take care of the parks and clean up after themselves, we’re going to end up with a Grand Canyon full of disposable diapers.

But that’s it. This is the land of the free, and that means we don’t need government watching over every tiny move we make.

Although … I would feel more comfortable if the government watched over some of the people I’ve met. Trusting my own judgment is one thing; trusting those wackos to make good choices would be flirting with disaster.

Maybe I could provide the government with a list of people and their addresses. But I’m not doing it for free. Somebody needs to chip in.