A recent headline in our local newspaper read: “Don’t diminish daughters for their emotions.” Intrigued by the title, I devoured every word of it. The writer, Lyz Lenz, writes columns for the Cedar Rapids Gazette, and the content focuses on stories about parenting.

This piece hit me with its relevance. Lyz commented on the “warnings” other parents give her regarding the future with her daughter and her daughter’s feelings. She also reflected on her own experiences in her teens and 20s — she was expected to feel, but not show it. “Feelings are feminine weakness,” she wrote.

But Lyz contends in her column that “our emotions don’t diminish us, in fact, they make us stronger.” She wants to “bear witness to them as expressions of my child’s humanity, not her weakness.”  

I’ve been thinking of this ever since. The messages children receive in their formative years later translate into action as adults. The impact of well-intentioned — albeit misguided — advice and coaching has diminished and continues to devalue women, our colleagues, our daughters and their daughters.

Even more concerning is how women and girls embrace those values themselves, which affects their lives — whether it’s about showing your emotions or your intelligence, or being “bossy,” greedy or too competitive.

Case in point: Until middle school, girls match or outperform boys in verbal and math skills. From that time on, we see a dramatic drop in math scores for girls, and the number of girls who pursue math and science careers never even gets close to the numbers of their male counterparts. Where do we learn that “girls just aren’t good in math” or “it’s not cool to be smarter than the guys”?

You guessed it: those “well-intentioned” advice-givers.

Gallup and other researchers today say that many employees favorably rate their female bosses because we do use our emotions to create a personal connection with them. Care and concern, translated into “my manager cares about me and my welfare,” score high on all research regarding best places to work, productivity and how to retain your employees. This is something we should celebrate as women.

Research also shows that bias still exists regarding male and female leadership characteristics. Men are decisive, authoritative and provide constructive criticism; women are bossy, whiny, queen bees and the dreaded “b-word.” Women who negotiate for themselves in the workplace are often labeled as greedy or not a team player, yet men are expected to negotiate their job offers and salaries with no repercussions. Today, much of the difference between what men and women earn is directly related to the fact that women don’t ask for more because we were told not to be greedy. Instead, we are coached to be happy with what we are offered.

I challenge each of us to reflect on how we unintentionally diminish ourselves and those around us and do something to break that habit. Our families, our organizations and our communities will be better for it.