Earlier this month I attended two heart-altering events and participated in two engaging conversations. 

Event one was the Iowa State Theater Company production of “Disgraced.” Event two was the Des Moines Pastoral Center’s annual luncheon, Women Helping Women. Conversation one took place with my friend Nataliya Boychenko when we found ourselves deep in the midst of a conversation around the emptiness of success without a strong connection to the soul. Conversation two happened as I photographed my friend Claire Richmond while she sat hooked up to an IV, receiving a life-changing infusion of heme for her porphyria, a rare blood disease she is now treating after her recent diagnosis.    

In “Disgraced,” the lead character Amir, played by Des Moines’ Sid Juwarker, is fighting a battle against his Muslim roots, having changed his name from one of Pakistani origin to one of Indian. In order to assimilate into the grind of the American dream and success at his law firm, Amir has walked away from the Muslim religion. The play ends with Amir’s admission of his deep rooted beliefs and Muslim pride, beliefs that are so contrary to the life he leads publicly. This admission unearths his dinner guests prejudices and the darkest parts of Amir’s personality. This dinner party revelation results in the loss of Amir’s job, wife and friendships. 

At the Women Helping Women event, Gina Skinner-Thebo delivered a raw, tear filled keynote, speaking about her traumatic history, the search for core altering counseling and the deep depression she experienced during her third pregnancy, just two years ago. Gina spoke honestly about being a high-achieving, well respected mom and friend who often thought of ending her life, eventually seeking counseling to care for her twirling brain. She shared how she hadn’t been honest with even her inner circle for fear of how it would affect her career. 

First generation Ukrainian immigrant, Nataliya reflected on her straight line to achieving the American dream, the grind of the daily checklists and the hard work = success equation that breeds an unidentifiable empty feeling. Nataliya talked about her hard fought journey back to her soul after walking the dotted line of success for so long. She expressed beautifully the idea that when we make room to HEAR ourselves, we can fully hear others, both in business and life.

And from her chair in the cancer unit of Methodist Hospital, Claire told me about the struggles she felt as a high achiever being forced by her body to take a step back. She talked about the identity shift that came when she lost her checklists, her job and her ability to participate in the activities by which she had once measured her value. We talked about the task of creating a new version of success. One that relies on her soul being enough, just as she is.

What do all these scenarios have in common? The relentless grind of the American Dream is putting a wedge between our soul and our success. 

If there is one thing I’ve learned as photographer and passionate student of humanity, it’s that we are all desperately in need of being SEEN AND HEARD, not for what we accomplish, but for WHO WE ARE. 

The question is; during this moment in history when walls and divides are built around every difference and disagreement, how do we share who we are without putting our reputation at risk?

The answer is simple. You can’t. 

Risk is inherent in the honest and unexpected. We have no idea how others will react to our truth, to the true mess of our complete humanity. But I dream of a world where struggles are celebrated as phases of life rather than closeted condemnation, where our boundaries and burdens are celebrated as a success rather than a threat to our careers. 

Where do we start? 

We start by sharing with those closest to us and by fully showing up for those willing to invest in our emotional success. We move forward by taking small risks, saying no to experiences that don’t serve our heart and being transparent with the person on the other end about why we decline. We make progress by only showing up when it SERVES OUR SOUL, not when it satisfies our achievement focused agenda. 

I am preaching right now, preaching what I desperately hope to practice. There is a lot to unlearn and a lot to untangle. I promise to lead by example and perhaps my risk will make a wave. And maybe, just maybe, there will come a time when simply being who you are won’t be brave, it will be beautiful.