Guest Opinion: Why saying no is okay
Those opportunities are great if you are ready to commit and it is the right fit. But as women, I think we are often pressured to say yes to these opportunities, subsequently saying no to a good night’s sleep and spending time with family and friends. I’ve said no to a handful of opportunities for many reasons. For me, I’ve also had women say no to running for office or volunteering in different capacities.
What I learned from this was the power the word “no” gives you is much more rewarding then I imagined.
The first time I said no was to a board position. I felt absolutely awful about it. I loved the organization’s mission; however, I was newly elected as mayor and was realizing the full impact of what that meant.
When I officially said no, the board chair asked why. I had told myself: “You just don’t have any more time in the day.” But what came out of my mouth was: “If I was to join this board, at this time in my life, I would not be able to make a positive impact. My schedule is too full and I want to fully commit myself to helping you and the mission of your organization.”
The board chair responded with, “Well, then, I temporarily accept your no, and we will watch for a time when a yes fits our organization and your commitment to it.”
That simple response was more rewarding than I ever could have expected. Not only was I able to walk away feeling good about saying no, but I also walked away knowing, when the timing was right, there might be a future spot for me on that board.
The first time someone said no to me, I asked her to think about running for office. I asked if she was willing to share with me why she responded the way she did. She had legitimate reasons and her plate was full. I made sure she knew I understood and I would keep checking in with her to see if the timing was better.
I was thankful, though, that her reason for saying no wasn’t because she believed she wasn’t qualified. I’ve had a handful of women say no to different tasks, but when they say it, it’s because they believe they are not qualified. Then we have to have an intervention. It is OK to say no — except when your reason is “because I am not qualified.” If someone is asking you, you are qualified.
The next time you are asked to take on something new, whether it’s a volunteer position or additional responsibilities in your job, make sure you know why you are saying yes or no. Here are some things to consider:
- Is it a resource (time or money) issue?
- Is it because you have different priorities at this time in your life?
- Does it align with your personal values?
- Will this opportunity help you grow?
Stop saying yes to every opportunity and make sure the ones you do say yes to are the best fit for you and your life. If you need to say no, feel free to explain why or have a conversation with the person who asked.
However, if you say no because you don’t feel qualified, call me. We need to chat.
Sara Kurovski, a graduate of Truman State University with her master’s degree in public administration, was elected the first female mayor of Pleasant Hill in November 2013 and the youngest in Greater Des Moines, earning her story national recognition in Sheryl Sandberg’s book, “Lean In for Graduates.” After working for Metro Waste Authority for eight years she became Kum & Go’s manager of sustainability in 2014. Kurovski also is a member of the Business Record’s 2015 Forty Under 40 class. She lives in Pleasant Hill with her husband, Todd, and two children.
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Contact Sara by email, or connect with her on Facebook and LinkedIn. She can also be reached by phone at (515) 720-6654.
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