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If raising the debt ceiling is a good thing for America …


We’re feeling quite confident about the 2005 economic outlook at our house, especially since we voted, 5-0, to raise our debt limit to $5 million.

It was an empowering moment that made us wonder why our quaintly old-fashioned parents kept telling us to “save for the future.” (Now we’re questioning whether it’s really that important to “wash your hands.”)

With this bold yet fiscally responsible move, we opened up a number of powerful options. Like a high-definition, flat-screen TV. One that’s big enough and sharp enough to let us feel the full thrill of sports, be absorbed by great movies and keep tabs on John Bachman’s dental work.

And we feel extra good knowing that we’ll be helping to support the salesman, the delivery guy and the hard-working president of the Sony Corporation.

A number of “earmarked” items in the family budget were wrapped up in an omnibus spending bill for reasons of efficiency. It’s a thick document, and at the last minute I was surprised to find that it includes a list of dressmakers in Paris, several pages that appear to have been torn from a Neiman-Marcus catalog and the entire New York Times Magazine real estate section. My wife just widened her eyes and shrugged, so the mystery remains.

Maybe we should have read the entire proposal before voting on it. But we happen to believe that trusting in the good intentions of bill-makers has made America what it is today.

Anyway, there’s no doubt that it’s chock-full of ideas specifically targeted at making our nation stronger.

A couple of Dodge Vipers, for instance, will enable us to get to our jobs more quickly and contribute more to the nation’s booming productivity.

A second home in the Caribbean will allow us to slash our heating bill and reduce our nation’s crippling dependency on Mideastern oil.

Highly reflective diamond jewelry should help us locate my wife more quickly if she wanders off somewhere, so that we don’t have to call for public assistance like certain free-spending liberals would do without hesitation.

And a small airplane will provide us with the opportunity to dash up to Minneapolis whenever there’s a really good sale at the big mall. Call us overly patriotic, but we’re determined to stimulate the economy to the point of cardiac arrest.

In a separate move, we took a long, hard look toward the future and voted to borrow a cow-choking wad of cash for a retirement plan. It was a neat solution and again made us wonder why the previous generation relied so heavily on carpentry and farming for its money – I mean, there are banks everywhere.

The question was briefly raised as to how we’ll pay back the loan, but in a subcommittee vote of 2-0, it was quickly agreed that the kids can figure that out on their own. We’re willing to borrow whatever it takes for the education they’ll need to make the decision.

If we’re understanding things correctly, that’s the fiscally disciplined way to go.

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