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If Tana wins, she should ‘fire’ Trump


Tana Goertz is headed into the finals on “The Apprentice,” and Las Vegas odds makers and Internet bloggers seem certain that she will hear The Donald proclaim “You’re hired.” If all goes as expected, she will receive a one-year position in a Trump company with a salary of $250,000.

My advice to you, Tana: Don’t take it. You have a unique opportunity to be the anti-Trump. During the live broadcast finale, try this speech on for size:

“Mr. Trump, while this game has been a lot of fun and full of great rewards, I’ve decided I don’t want to work for you.

“This show sends the wrong message to viewers about what it takes to get ahead in American business. Blame others, find fault, sabotage your teammates and you get ahead. Show integrity, take responsibility, encourage your teammates and you’ll take that long walk to the waiting taxicab.

“I don’t want this job, because I believe that small business makes this country work. I’m an entrepreneur. My heart won’t let me become corrupted by corporate raiders and traders trying to build more wealth for the elite. Small business works on trust and customer service. In the real world, sweat and long hours live alongside community and family values.

“It’s true that many people would kill for this job. But me? A corporate “TrumpCog” in New York? That’s not exactly the perfect environment for a creative, driven woman like me to thrive, let alone survive. I’ve got a great family with two kids and a community that wants to see me succeed. In Iowa, I know my neighbors, and our family’s evening stroll never starts out with the words ‘Kids, do you have your body armor on?’

“Thank you for the opportunity, Mr. Trump. But I prefer to build my own empire. So watch your back, Donny.”

Something like that. I’m sure you can be much more eloquent then I.

Most of us don’t like the Donald Trumps of the world. But we love the little person who stands up for what’s right and turns her back on the greedy, snotty show-offs. Make the speech, Tana. By turning him down, you become his equal. You give hope to all of the locally owned shops living in the shadow of Wal-Mart. Telling Trump “no” could actually help our economy and improve our national psyche. You could lead a new revolution. Oh, and make a ton of money in the process.

Stick it to the man and the offers will flood in. (MasterCard: Bad executive haircut: $250. Solid gold toilet: $150,000. Failed casino: $300 million. Creating your own destiny: Priceless.)

Even The Donald will become your best friend after you turn him down. Always one to exploit every opportunity, he’ll be happy to appear with you on talk shows, commercials and speaking engagements as you school him in real-world business for the cameras. He’ll laugh and scowl all the way to the bank, and so will you.

Yes, Tana, you could become an icon for a nation of small business owners and wannabes. And every one of these things can be done while you live in Iowa. You can help build businesses and solidify your reputation while supporting your community and family.

The alternative is to spend a year in a cramped office in Chicago or New York while your kids learn to interpret gang graffiti.

All you have to do is say, “No thank you.” It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make a difference. Your street smarts must tell you that walking away can make you the biggest winner of them all.

David Stuck is a freelance writer. He can be reached at davestuck@mchsi.com.

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