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Now that Des Moines has a shelf full of “best city for …” awards, we can assume that people are flocking here to live. If not, we should have spent that money on something other than bribes.

Chances are, some of the newcomers have never lived in this kind of winter before. If you fall into this category, here’s what you need to know:

Frostbite is like sexual promiscuity. You’ll hear a lot more about it on television than you’ll see on the streets of Des Moines. (West Des Moines may be a different matter; send us some snapshots.)

The local TV weather reporters worry more about their viewers’ noses and ears than all of Polk County’s mothers combined. They believe that leaving skin uncovered outdoors for a few seconds is like sunbathing at Point Barrow. And yet, you’ll notice lots of people laboring outdoors all winter long with their faces hanging out.

Either the TV folks are misinformed, or those aren’t construction workers, they’re automatons with beard stubble.

This is not to say that you shouldn’t dress properly for the conditions, at least during your first winter. As the years fly by, you’ll start to wonder if it’s really necessary, because even on the bitterest days you’ll see lots of people without hats and one or two in shorts.

We’re not sure why people dress that way, but when they thaw out in March, we’ll ask.

However, the biggest problem in winter is not cold air or snow, but ice. Driving on it is as risky as skipping across the rink during a Detroit Red Wings game. And even if you stay indoors, eventually you will become an ice storm victim.

Long ago, America decided to hang its power lines in the air instead of burying them underground, and Mother Nature still can’t stop chuckling about it. When these lines start to snap, you’ll wish you had ignored the pro-Des Moines surveys and focused on those brochures about Costa Rica.

Experts will tell you to be prepared by owning a couple of flashlights. Unfortunately, after two or three hours with no power, you’ll be using these as clubs. Just that quickly, civilization breaks down to Cro-Magnon levels, and your beloved family members will crouch in corners, guarding stashes of bread and cheese with teeth bared.

If the power is ever out for five or six hours, DO NOT be the first one to fall asleep.

Even on a normal, unthreatening winter day, it’s good to be aware of what’s coming next. If you haven’t heard the weather forecast on television, radio, the Internet, Twitter or in conversation, you have one more source.

Looming over the skyline of Des Moines is the KCCI-TV weather beacon, and it’s not just there for decoration. Its colors are a sophisticated revelation of the future, as if “The DaVinci Code” had been rewritten to include John McLaughlin. Here’s the key:

Weather beacon red, warmer weather is ahead. Weather beacon white, colder weather is in sight. Weather beacon green, no change in temperature foreseen. Weather beacon blinking by night or day, precipitation is on the way.

It’s a fitting poetic touch for the capital of a state that prides itself on education. Note the mesmerizing repetition of the word “beacon,” which calls to mind a technique found in the unpublished letters of William Shakespeare. Again and again he comes back to the phrase: “I’ll have the rent money as soon as I can sell this sonnet.”

One more thing. You’ll notice that Iowans complain about the same things winter after winter: the days are too short; it’s too expensive to heat our homes; snowplows block our driveways.

Eventually you’ll find yourself saying the same things. Then you’ll go back where you came from.

When you do, don’t tell anyone about The Secret of The Weather Beacon. We will hunt you down with icicles.