The situation occurred at an event where Justice, a photographer, was working for one of her clients. Justice is a young professional who identifies as a woman and presents in a non-gender-conforming way, with androgynous clothing and short hair. The organization’s leader was addressing a sizable group and pointed to Justice, saying, “And he is here to photograph our event.” Justice realized with a start that the leader was pointing to her but using the incorrect pronoun “he.”

A few minutes later the leader again referred to Justice as “he.” Now Justice was confused, because she had met the leader multiple times and was sure she knew her correct gender.

“What did you do?” I asked.

“I did my best to be professional and finish the job, but I was angry and distracted,” she said. “And now I don’t know if I should say something.”

“Of course you should say something,” I replied. “How else is the leader going to learn?”

I urged Justice to provide feedback either to the leader directly or to one of her contacts, as it was only fair she be made aware that her misgendering – inadvertent or not – was difficult for Justice and damaged her perception of the leader and organization and perhaps others’ perceptions as well.

In today’s world and workplace, people we interact with may have gender identities and expressions that differ from what we generally think of when considering gender. Gender-expansive individuals can challenge our traditionally held views, but leaders need to recognize how personal gender is and how critical it is to respect gender and pronouns in the workplace. It is basic courtesy to understand what gender people identify with and what pronouns they use. There are many, but the most popular are: man (he, him, his), woman (she, her, hers), or gender-expansive (they, them, theirs). Intentional or not, misgendering can be hurtful and embarrassing, causing damage to relationships and affecting your business.

If you are a leader with team members, clients or vendors whose gender is not clear to you, what should you do? Don’t make assumptions. Use gender-neutral words until you know more about that person, their pronouns and partners. If possible, ask that person what pronouns they use or how you should refer to them. They’ll tell you and respect you for it. And if you misgender a person, hopefully someone will let you know so you can correct the situation. If you do mess up, acknowledge, apologize and move on.

Justice’s experience is not uncommon, and we can all learn from it. As gender identity and gender expression continue to evolve, especially with younger generations, situations like this are likely to occur in your workplace with an employee, client or vendor. Leaders, educate yourself and your team about gender diversity in the workplace. Your business depends on it.