The Elbert Files: A daughter-in-law remembers
Editor’s note: Business Record columnist Dave Elbert’s mother died recently at the age of 95, just one day after the 25th anniversary of his father’s death. The following was written for her service by Dave’s wife, Amy.
I was Evelyn Elbert’s daughter-in-law, and all of Evelyn’s daughters-in-law agree that she was the best mother-in-law we could ever have hoped for. She never interfered, never meddled, was never judgmental, and never criticized her sons’ wives. She happily welcomed us into the family and opened their cozy, warm home to us.
When we were young exhausted mothers, Evelyn gave us the wonderful treat of Sunday dinners we didn’t have to prepare. And Evelyn, despite her modesty, was a fabulous cook. Roast beef and potatoes with homemade gravy. And oh, those desserts. Her cherry pie was my favorite. No one made a better crust. She canned cherries that Dave’s dad picked from their backyard tree. A bowl of her cherries was a wonderful afternoon or bedtime snack.
The grandchildren, of course, adored Grandma Elbert. She was reserved with adults but not with children. She was down on the floor playing with them as long as she was able. A built-in box by the fireplace was filled with toys just for them. There were paint-with-water books, trucks, dolls and always balloons.
Coloring Easter eggs was an annual ritual. No one could blow the filling out of a raw egg like Evelyn, who had lost half a lung during her 30s. She would poke both ends of an egg with a needle and blow until all of the white and yoke were expelled. Then, she and the grandchildren would color and decorate each dainty shell.
My kids, Craig and Holly, loved playing games with Grandma Elbert. The games often involved memory skills and math, which helps explain their success today. But I must not brag. Evelyn was proud of her family and her grandchildren, but she refused to brag. It was just not her style.
Although Evelyn was reserved, her shyness masked a fierce determination and strength. We never heard her complain or bemoan what life dealt her. When we, as young mothers, expressed our amazement at her raising four little ones born in less than four years (yes it’s true!) in a small, two-bedroom duplex, she was matter of fact. You did what you had to do. That was Evelyn.
And she did everything well. She was a fantastic seamstress and made all of the draperies for their home. That’s no easy task for those of you who don’t know about sewing. She altered store-bought clothes to better fit her own mother-in-law, shortening and re-setting sleeves. She knitted and crocheted for her grandchildren and great-grandchildren, even making sweaters for their Pretty Ponies and Pound Puppy toys.
Most important, Evelyn and Willis Elbert built character and a strong work ethic in their four children. All were expected to attend and graduate from college. Evelyn had put herself through college with a loan from an uncle. She was the first in her family to graduate and proudly recalls that she paid her uncle back all but $500, which he insisted on forgiving. Willis and Evelyn saved so they could send all four children to college.
She set a high mark for her daughters-in-law in her treatment of her own mother-in-law, who lived with them for several years. Later Evelyn faithfully visited Dave’s Grandma Elbert and her elderly sister, Gussie, in the nursing home nearly every day on her way home from work.
For the first years Dave and I were married, every trip to Ames included a tour of his paper route and the lawns that he and his brother Steve mowed. Evelyn was the bookkeeper for those operations and we still have little ledgers, listing customers, mowing dates and payments. She could be a taskmaster, Dave says, but always in her no-nonsense style. You do some things because you have to.
That was Evelyn – strong, kind, dedicated to family, enormously loving and accepting of all.