.bodytext {float: left; } .floatimg-left-hort { float:left; margin-top:10px; margin-right: 10px; width:300px; clear:left;} .floatimg-left-caption-hort { float:left; margin-bottom:10px; width:300px; margin-right:10px; clear:left;} .floatimg-left-vert { float:left; margin-top:10px; margin-right:15px; width:200px;} .floatimg-left-caption-vert { float:left; margin-right:10px; margin-bottom:10px; font-size: 10px; width:200px;} .floatimg-right-hort { float:right; margin-top:10px; margin-left:10px; margin-bottom:10px; width: 300px;} .floatimg-right-caption-hort { float:left; margin-right:10px; margin-bottom:10px; width: 300px; font-size: 10px; } .floatimg-right-vert { float:right; margin-top:10px; margin-left:10px; margin-bottom:10px; width: 200px;} .floatimg-right-caption-vert { float:left; margin-right:10px; margin-bottom:10px; width: 200px; font-size: 10px; } .floatimgright-sidebar { float:right; margin-top:10px; margin-left:10px; margin-bottom:10px; width: 200px; border-top-style: double; border-top-color: black; border-bottom-style: double; border-bottom-color: black;} .floatimgright-sidebar p { line-height: 115%; text-indent: 10px; } .floatimgright-sidebar h4 { font-variant:small-caps; } .pullquote { float:right; margin-top:10px; margin-left:10px; margin-bottom:10px; width: 150px; background: url(http://www.dmbusinessdaily.com/DAILY/editorial/extras/closequote.gif) no-repeat bottom right !important ; line-height: 150%; font-size: 125%; border-top: 1px solid; border-bottom: 1px solid;} .floatvidleft { float:left; margin-bottom:10px; width:325px; margin-right:10px; clear:left;} .floatvidright { float:right; margin-bottom:10px; width:325px; margin-right:10px; clear:left;} Beginning a relationship is easy. Exploration is predominantly on the surface. Nothing too deep. Nothing too wide. Nothing too revealing. In the beginning, all is well. Friendships blossom. Feelings emerge. Life is good.

It’s like fast dancing at a bar. You kind of get to know the other person without touching them. Watch them move, see their rhythm, exchange smiles, scream a word or two. And at the end of the song, thank the person for their time.

If you like them and believe you have some things in common, you may dance again. And again.

If you feel good about the relationship and a bit of trust emerges, you may permit a transaction to take place. A meeting, a dinner, a sale or in a social setting, even a kiss.

As the relationship matures, facts and truths begin to reveal themselves, causing decisions to be made about the future of the relationship.

And one day you begin to see things you’ve never seen before, because life takes over and reality sets in based on daily transactions and interactions, coupled with patience, emotion, feelings and responses.

I’ll refer to them as edges. You have edges past which you will not go. Tolerance levels, social levels, philosophical levels and business levels. If someone tries to go past your edge, your tolerance level, you rebuff them.

Your compatibility with the other person’s edges, combined with your acceptance of the other person’s edges, will determine whether the relationship grows or dies.

For example, I’m not a smoker. Nor am I much of a drinker. If I’m around a drinking smoker, it’s past my edges, and I don’t want to be around them much. I didn’t say ever. I just said much.

I might have a business relationship with a smoking drinker, but I’d never have a social relationship with one.

There are ethical edges, both personal and business. If someone goes past your ethical edges, you have a reaction, often acute, that says “danger.” It can be as “innocent” as cheating on your golf score, or as serious as cheating on your taxes or not paying your bills, but whatever it is, it’s a relationship breaker.

Then there are the emotional edges. How people react when something goes wrong, or how they respond to a point of argument. And how you feel about or judge their reaction. Are they whiny? Are they quick-tempered? Are they abrasive? Are they abusive? Or worse, show characteristics that you either don’t like or fear? A temper. A vindictiveness. Even the threat of physical violence.

In other words, are they inside (safe) or outside (unsafe) your emotional edge?

Edges have a counterpoint: tolerance. You can tolerate almost anything for a short span of time. But each time someone goes over your edge, you become less and less tolerant, either verbally or silently.

I believe that “past the edge” silent thoughts are more dangerous and more powerful. They’re dangerous because they’re left unsaid and allow the present situation to continue. More powerful because they begin to deepen and build emotion. Eventually they explode.

What are your edges? Where do you draw the line? What are you willing to accept in others in order to continue a relationship?

I’m challenging you to widen your field of acceptable edges. Extend your patience. Figure out how you can help first rather than complain, nag, bicker, nitpick or whine. Figure out how you can compromise just a bit more.

If you would like to know the areas where edges, both yours and others’, are likely to reveal themselves, go to www.gitomer.com, register if you’re a first-time user, and enter EDGES in the GitBit box.

Jeffrey Gitomer can be reached by phone at (704) 333-1112 or by e-mail at salesman@gitomer.com. © 2007 Jeffrey H. Gitomer