Dear Mr. Berko:

I saw an advertisement in the paper about a stock market system call Wizetrade. It reads very well and seems to be on the level. They offer free workshops and have testimonials from a fellow in Texas who made $64,000 in three days, another Texas investor who made $3,000 while mowing her lawn and a man from California who recently made $153,000 — and that’s after taxes. They offer continuous private broadcast TV programming to help subscribers and provide them with successful trading ideas.

I’ve heard of Wizetrade before and now ask for your comments. Is it on the level and is it worth attending the workshops? It sounds like it could be a gold mine.

K.L., Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

Dear K.L.:

Yep, Wizetrade sounds like a real gold mine. However, my dad would say that most gold mines are huge holes in the ground with liars standing on top.

Be mindful that folks always brag about the money they make in the market but seldom admit their losses. That’s human nature; few people have enough self-confidence to admit their failures. I’ve never heard Merrill Lynch, Bank of America or Goldman Sachs talk about their failed recommendations. Though Wizetrade has been luring suckers to their web for several years, I’ve never heard them admit a single failed recommendation.

The truth is that the truth is bad for business. There are myriad stock market scammers whose full-page, bold-print advertisements claim astonishing triple-digit returns. And thousands of hopeful schnooks are euchred out of millions of dollars every week because they believe they can quickly become experts and make easy triple-digit returns exactly as the advertisement claims.

This flaw, this gullible chink in the human psyche, makes it possible for a conflux of trading scams, like a parade of grafters, to successfully troll the broadcast and print media for simple-minded marks who believe there’s a holy grail. The mark gets lured by the audacious claims that are scripted by shills. These are designed to steer him to the bait, and he is hooked with visions of enormous profits and gossamer notions of dependable, triple-digit monthly returns. Working a cleverly worded moose pasture certainly beats dropping leather.

Wizetrade is quite disingenuous, designing titillating advertisements to hawk “free workshops” (there “ain’t no free lunch”) so you can “learn the secrets of financial independence.” I’ve been in the investment business for 45 years, and I’m still looking for that secret!

Meanwhile, those testimonials are poppycock, balderdash and taradiddle. The Texan who made $64,000 in three days probably used a Xerox color printer. The Texas lady who made $3,000 while mowing the lawn was certainly overpaid by the landowner. And the fellow who made $154,000 after taxes probably began his trading program with $250,000!

Yes, I know all about Wizetrade’s 12-hour TV programs that purportedly teach you how to recognize the best potential trades in the option, commodity, currency and stock markets. The programs are hosted by young, lovely, long-haired lasses with complexions that would make peaches weep in their cream. They’re beautiful, sexy and hot ladies with thousand-watt smiles. The programs are also hosted by clean-cut, trim, good-looking, fresh-faced lads who may shave once a week. These lads and lasses are your hosts and will teach you all you need to know about making big money in pork bellies, Microsoft options and straddles and live hogs. These programs continue for hours. They are well-scripted, hokey, witless and soporific, heavy on the sizzle but light on the steak.

Go ahead and join Wizetrade. You may be entertained, which is about the only bang you’ll get for your buck.

But before they swipe your credit card, please ask yourself two questions:

1. If those lovely people who make all this possible for you are so “wise,” why are they spending time teaching you their impressive skills rather than using that knowledge to make big bucks for themselves in the market?

2. If this system is as good as the claims and testimonials, how come the big shots at Vanguard, T. Rowe Price, Fidelity, Goldman Sachs, Merrill, etc., don’t use the Wizetrade system?

In my opinion you would have better results throwing darts at the stock listings … which, according to The Wall Street Journal, has beaten the professionals in six of the last 10 years.

Please address your financial questions to Malcolm Berko, P.O. Box 1416, Boca Raton, Fla. 33429 or e-mail him at malber@comcast.net.

© Copley News Service