Have you talked to your parents about money lately? I’ve had several conversations recently that highlighted how a lack of regular discussions about money can lead to surprises for adult children.

In one conversation, a friend revealed that she had learned her wealthy, aging mother was no longer able to handle her affairs. In another, a client told me that her elderly mother had essentially run out of funds and was depending on her financially. Neither of these individuals had talked to their parents about money for years, and these revelations were like bolts from the blue.

In the first situation, the friend reported that while visiting her out-of-state mother, she answered the phone, and a bill collector was on the other end of the line.

Upon further investigation, she discovered that her mother had missed payments on quite a few bills and uncharacteristically had made several payments to one charity over the previous year.

She ended up taking her mother to a doctor, who diagnosed early signs of dementia. She arranged for home care, and she and her mother agreed that it was time to turn over the bill paying. My friend was overwhelmed with the new responsibility coupled with the realization that her mother’s health was failing.

In the second situation, my client’s mother had reassured her and her siblings that she would be fine in retirement. But that conversation had been more than a decade ago, and many circumstances had changed, including a nasty divorce and some health problems. Fearing she would need to sell her townhouse to meet expenses, the mother called her daughter in tears.

Moving in with the daughter is not something either of them wants to consider right now. Eventually, however, that’s probably going to happen, as the house is the mother’s only significant asset.

She said that if she had anticipated this, she and her husband would have made many decisions differently.

Talking to our parents about money is not on anyone’s short list of fun things to do. But at some point, their issues can become our issues, whether it is because of failing health, dwindling resources, or the feeling that our money is their money.

As parents age, having regular conversations or checking on financial matters becomes crucial. Changes can happen quickly, and if you are unaware of them, they can catch you off guard and unprepared to help.

To start the conversation, it’s easier to bring up the subject out of concern and with advance planning. Many communication specialists suggest that an effective way to express this concern is to begin with “I” statements, such as “I’m worried that if something happens to you, I won’t know what to do.”

It isn’t easy, but think of it this way: Your parents had to work up the courage to approach difficult topics with you as a kid. It’s probably easier for you to discuss money issues than it was for them to explain how babies are made. So the next time you talk to your parents, consider bringing up financial matters.r

Suzanna de Baca is the president of Private Capital Solutions Group, an investment and financial advisory firm based in Des Moines.