How do you listen? That’s both a question and an enigma. Listening is one of the BIG THREE in selling, the other two are asking (engaging), and being friendly.

If you ask most salespeople, they would admit that listening is their weakest quality, in part due to impatience, but mostly because they don’t know how to listen. Specifically, they don’t know the components or factors that make up the “why” of listening.

Here are 3.5 sets of opposing kinds of listening:
1. Active or passive.
2. Positive or negative.
3. Open or closed.
3.5. Distracted or not distracted.

The good elements of listening are:

Listen with the intent to understand. A sermon. A movie. In a classroom.

Listen with the intent to take action. Someone giving instructions.

Listen with the intent to learn. A teacher. A trainer. A seminar leader.

Listen with the intent to enjoy. Music. Sounds of nature. Waterfalls. A crackling fire.

Listen with the intent to remember. Driving directions. A website address. 

Who you’re listening to can have a huge impact on the quality of your listening. Whether it’s your mother, your boss, your spouse, your kids, your best friend, your favorite celebrity, someone you like or someone you dislike can affect the outcome of your listening. 
 
The bad elements of listening are:

Listen with the intent to respond. This is where interruptions occur. You have something to say or think you already know the answer. You start responding before the other person has finished talking.  First, listen with the intent to understand, then you can respond with the full knowledge of what has been communicated. 

Listen with the intent to figure out an angle (manipulate). Interacting with a customer during a selling situation.

Listen because you have to obey (or try to worm out of it). Think of listening to parents, teachers or bosses.

Listen because you are forced to. Think of your boss, teacher or parents disciplining you.

Listen with the intent not to pay attention. Tuned out because of your ill feeling toward the person speaking.

Listen with the intent to argue. Whenever you’re in an argument or fight, listening is overpowered by anger and negativity.
 

Pretending to listen but you’re in another world. You have other things on your mind that are more powerful than what is being said, so you tune out whoever is speaking.

Telltale signs of not listening? Asking people to repeat. Getting instructions wrong. Making mistakes on the job. Getting rejected.

The three best states to be in when listening are the state of calm, the state of happy and the state of willing. These are “ear-opening” states. 

Final secret: I know all of you are looking for the silver bullet that will instantly make you a better listener. I’ve got it for you. Two words, and they’re not “shut up.”

The secret words and action of listening are “take notes.” When you take notes, you show respect, always “hear” and have a reference to help you remember what was said or promised.

If you want to learn more about listening and why you’re a poor listener, you can  go to www.gitomer.com. Register if you’re a first-time visitor, and enter the word WHAT? in the GitBit box.