Having attended several networking events lately, I have heard the terms “lead” and “referral” bantered around.

Which would you rather have? Referrals, of course. It’s the personal power of a sales lead. A recommendation, not just a name. Credibility, not just a place to call.

I can’t tell you how many times I heard, “Don’t use my name,” when passing along a possible lead. Seriously?

HISTORY: I have attended many (many) networking meetings and belonged to several networking groups. Here’s how they work, and ideas on how you can join groups that are willing to give referrals rather than leads.

The group I have belonged to for the past 20 years is Metrolina Business Council in Charlotte, N.C. It’s one member per category (the best kind of group). It meets informally twice a month. About 100 members who all know each other. Many for 20 years or more.

The meeting starts out with early networking. Members get there early to talk and connect. About 30 minutes. Then a buffet breakfast followed by going around the room and, member by member, saying thanks for business, lunch, opportunities and referrals. After the thank-you’s there’s a speaker for 30 minutes or so, and a general exchange of information and business ideas during the networking time. It works, and major friendships are built. The group has been around for 30-plus years with many original members still active. It works.

Then there’s the more formal type of networking group. The best-known and largest of which is BNI – Business Networking International. The reason I like BNI is that the focus beyond networking is on internal testimonials, building personal and business relationships, generously offering genuine business referrals, not leads, and reporting on closed business.

I have attended several BNI meetings as a guest, been to some informal one-on-one meetings, and even given a talk to one of the groups in New York City. 

I was lucky enough to be present when Todd Hallinger, one of the owners of the NYC BNI franchise, gave a short talk on the value of BNI and referrals. It was a very interesting perspective on the networking/relationship process and worth repeating for both its insight and accuracy.

He said the three major criteria for successful networking and networking groups are time, referrals, and trust. The intersection of those lines on an axis happens after eight to 13 months of getting involved, giving, and measuring results. After that, a business acceleration takes place that allows the group and its members to grow exponentially.

Here are Todd’s hallmarks:

• You must let time pass to let people get to know the real you. Your first impression needs to be the REAL YOU. And you must consistently display it.

• You must be willing to give without expectation. Meet with each person in the group more than once, get to know one another. Give trust, referrals, testimonials, and bring visitors. 

• You must earn the trust of others by the way you conduct yourself, give value, do business, and give trust first. The group is built on trust that is gained slowly over time. Trust based on performance, consistency and truth.

The key to referrals is giving them BEFORE you get them. The BNI phrase is “Givers Gain.” Mine has always been, “The best way to get a referral is to give a referral.” 

If you’re REALLY looking to grow your business without being perceived as a taker, or worse, a pest, or even worse, a beggar, just start giving referrals. But I issue a caution: THIS REQUIRES WORK.

Most salespeople are not willing to do the hard work that makes selling easy. Are you?